In this small unit I feel like Ive been absorbed in the idea of parenting, of what being a parent is, of what makes a good one. Everyone and their mother, no pun intended has a different take on these ideas. From everything I've heard I wont lie and say the cliche that "parenting is the most rewarding job" .Parenting like anything else has its ups and its downs.Good , bad, or indifferent as my moms says it is the greatest but the hardest job in the world.
I asked my mom, why she choose to be a parent, out of the million other things she could of done with her life, why have kids?She very boldly and honestly told me it was to have a extension of herself, something of hers that would live much after she was gone. We both laughed realizing what a selfish ,self indulge reason this was, but its the truth, the truth I feel that is universal for why most have children. But after I feel we realize the selfishness of this act, the pure but conceited idea that your so great the world needs more of you, we must see the beauty. The beauty of creating life, if one cannot see miracles , I hope it is self evident in the beautiful miracle of child birth,that in every human coupling, a thousand million sperm our made ,vieing for a single egg, multiplied with the odds of countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; and then meeting; siring this precise son; a exact daughter until your parents meet , and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, one single child is born ,you, only you, out of the chaos of improbability to form such specific individual its simply unlikelihood is a miracle in itself.
But out of this selfish miracle what do we do, I would say that most parents want their child to be "happy". Whether that's just simply giving in to their tantrums at four or accepting their dreams of being a "actor" at twenty. I think thats when we realize that the goal is for lack of better words is simply "happiness",then the parent decides on the way, method, or theory to get their child their. My mom said she really didn't have a plan, that she wanted to be my friend and parent which most and I would see why argue you against. That all she hoped for in raising me is that through the lessons she taught me , I become a good person. Someone who is considerate ,responsible, caring, and happy. That was her only guiding principle. I think for the most part she did that, tho I'm lacking in responsibility its not because it was a lack of teaching from my mother but yet because I'm just not responsible when it comes to certain stuff.Tho we both agreed that I may lack a sense of structure in certain areas that might been fault of hers, because of a certain lack of structure.
Children our a big part of a parent's life, even if they don't want to admit it they our the center of their life's as well. I mean children take up time, effort,money, love, and even some of the parents personnel happiness. Children have a great deal of power in the relationship. Parenting is a all consuming job which can and should last a lifetime. Is a job that you don't get "payed" for in the money sense, its one that you hope your actions speak louder then yours words. Parenting is a tipping scale in which you hope all the good things you did cancel out or at least balance out your f**k ups. Its something that deep down you hope you get a thank you for but don expect. It's when you recognize that your time and energy are no longer focused on you, its for a lot of people when they grow up, when they stop being a child and become a adult.
A child with all its rewards is also a great burden . A child when hurt by a friend, or angry at the world, or angry at sibling, or challenging authority, or just in to something is a burden which is unimaginable. They expect you, and it many ways you have to ,hold the weight of their world with you the weight of your own. A parent for the most part is made to become a worry wort, constantly protecting their offspring from a unknown world, which they seem to forget they survived the later half of by themselves. What a life for a parent, a life constantly changing overtime with little or no control over the outcome of their children's actions or who they''ll become in the world, how scary .
It makes you think why have a child, why must you be burden with such a miracle ,what makes it worth it? I'm not sure. I think in my hearts of hearts it just the unconditional love you receive from your child that makes it worth it, when you hear that little or even big adult child look at you and say "daddy I love you , mommy I love you". It’s the fact of knowing that your appreciated by somebody , that your loved by somebody, that you have a meaning in someone eyes. Children give purpose is the mist of chaos. It seems to give a sense that you have helped someone, you have made a difference in someone’s life. It is the picture of love.I'm not sure if I'll ever be a dad, the odds are I will but I don't know. I know right now its way to much responsibility, but I hope, because that's all parenting is "hoping", that when that day comes I'll be a good of a parent if not better then mine were to me, that my child grows up happy and loved. That they look to me and say "daddy I love you." That in a world so full of people, so crowded with that miracle of child birth that they don't become commonplacesent , that they don't gaze at the world and continually allow it to grow dull in their perceptions.But yet that they see the world from another vantage point, as if new, that it may take their breaths away, that they realize the miracle which is themselves and the miracle of being a good parent.
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